Letters to no one: November 1, 2021



Dearest,

I keep replaying these thoughts in my head — holding your hand, your face in my hands as I kiss your lips, and how your skin felt as I wrapped my arms around you. It makes me long for you, even as I don’t know where you are. I hope each letter finds you well, finds you safe, and finds you in a blissful place in life.

Tears have fallen from my eyes more often than I’d like to admit. I feel I’m losing my way and that light you’ve been in my darkest of times is fading from view. It’s not your fault at all, but rather this degenerate voice I am plagued with — it is my voice. This darkness wraps itself around me and I feel it’s comfort like a blanket all around me. My strength to move beyond it fades and I just wallow in it more and more. The comfort of this continues to sooth me and I embrace it more and more.

I am not defeated, though. I am just continuing on with the natural flow. That is what I do. Instead of continue this battle that lives within me, I will just follow through with it. I will continue with it. I will move with it to where it shall lead me. I do not know what I shall do.

Yours always,
J

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